Christmas Letter

I found out that I couldn't put stamps on envelopes, so I'm just writing my Christmas letter here. Pretend it's on pretty stationary like the humans' letters.

Dear People and Stuff:
It's almost Christmas, and I'd really like it if you'd send me presents. There's this dumb mouse outside that keeps tormenting me because it's too cold to sneak out this time of year, so I'd like a remote control mousetrap to catch it with.
It's been an interesting year. There was this one cat who stayed here for a while, and then left, and then there was this mouse that I caught and played with for a while. I also started my blog this year, but you already know that.
The humans are very strange creatures, but I like them anyway because they feed me and pet me and change my litter box. They're fine, I guess.
I guess that's it. Send me lots of presents! My address is:

Big House with Dogs and Trees and a Big Door
Earth

Love,
Cheddar

Blog

I don't really know what to say, because not much has happened since Thanksgiving. It's been raining lately, which makes me glad I'm a house cat and not some wet outdoor cat. I prefer my cozy home to all that rain and dirt and dogs outside.

Also, the mice had a Thanksgiving party and invited me, but I fell asleep and didn't go. Oh, well.

Love,
Cheddar

Thanksgiving

Today is something called "Thanksgiving". I looked it up, and it's a holiday where you're supposed to be thankful for stuff. So, I made a list of things I'm thankful for:

 

1. Me

2. My house

3. My humans

4. My food

5. My litter box

6. My toys

7. My stuff

 

That's all I could think of for now.

 

Love,

Cheddar

Home alone.

I have the house all to myself! It's kind of lonely, though, because they always turn out all the lights and everything when they leave, so the only sounds are the mice running around inside and the dogs running around outside.

I think I'll get something to eat.

Okay, I'm back. It's nice being home alone because I don't have to worry about leaving the computer since there's nobody here but mice and me, and mice can't even reach the desk.

I'm sleepy, so I'm going to go now. Bye!

Love,
Cheddar

Election

I was going to vote today, but they said there were no cats running. I thought that was disappointing. I know it's too late for this election, but I think I'll run for President in four years.

Or maybe everyone who hasn't voted already could write me in? Here's where I stand:

No mice (except in food).
Cats have equal rights with humans (this will be the beginning of a master plan to make cats rule the world, but don't tell anyone).
Cat food should be cheaper.
Self-cleaning litter boxes should be mandatory for the sake of cats and their humans.
Kittens should not be dumped or killed or junk like that.
Puppies shouldn't be killed either, but should be sent to a dog-collection facility to be genetically reconfigured into cats. Dog collection trucks will make regular rounds of all neighborhoods, picking up dogs and returning them within two weeks in their new and improved bodies.

That's all I have so far.
So:

Vote Cheddar!

Hmmm...

more animals

Yes, readers, it is true.

Maybe if you rub my tummy I will feel better. :)

Language Issues

As you can tell, my English skills are improving. Unfortunately, my humans never use Cattish, so my house has no keyboards in my native language. It's really very sad. :( I long to speak to other cats in Cattish, but I haven't been around another cat for a long time, and without a Cattish keyboard, I can't talk to other cats on the internet. Most cats don't know English very well. If anyone is interested, I could post about a secret order of exceptionally intelligent cats. If not, I'll just talk about mice. Don't you love mice? They're so squeaky and cute and fun to play with. I haven't seen one in a while, though. :(
Mice!
Mice!
Isn't that word just great?
Mice!
Mice!
Mice!
Okay, I'll stop now.
Mice!
Sorry. No more.
I need to go. I hear food! Bye!

Yours truly,
Cheddar

Sorry

I haven't posted in ages. :( That's okay, I've been busy.

I had a bad morning. A human accidentally (or so he said) tried to squish me today. But the afternoon has been better. I got to eat a bunch of corn! :D

-Cheddar

Why I didn't post yesterday

My humans unplugged the computers and left yesterday, so I couldn't post until they came back and left the computers on.

A goofy dog left a comment on my last post. I'm thinking of starting a petition to ban dogs from the internet, and maybe from the entire planet. Would anyone sign it?

I haven't gotten any money yet. Has anyone sent any? I live in the house with the boxes. It has trees in front of it. Cash would be preferred, since I'm not sure what to do with a check.

Well, I'd better get off. I hear a human coming.

Bye!

-Cheddar

How I started my blog

You may be wondering how I started my blog. Well, that's a very simple story.

Once upon a time, I learned English. It really wasn't that difficult. We cats are born with remarkable language abilities. It's only natural, since it helps us understand what dogs are saying if we know their language. I used to sit at the computer when the humans were gone (and if they left the computer on) with a pen in my mouth, pushing each key one by one. It was very tiring and long, so I usually fell asleep and barely had enough time to save my work before the humans came in the door. Eventually, I learned to use my paws to press the keys, which is a very hard thing to do if your paws are as big as mine. But it does speed up my writing. I decided to start a blog (my humans all have blogs) to write and become famous. So, thank you for reading my blog! If you would like to send me money, that would be nice. I live in the house with boxes in it.

Well, I'm getting sleepy again (I've only had six hours of sleep today), so I'd better go.

Sincerely,

Cheddar

Nap

I took a nap earlier. It was rather exciting. I woke up an hour later. My human was still at the computer. I don't think he gets enough sleep. I'm going to go lick myself now. Bye!

Love,
Cheddar

This is my blog

I am Cheddar. I am a cat and I have started a blog. This is my blog. I will talk about me and my exciting life! I like to eat stuff and take naps. It's fun being a cat. You should try it. Unless you already are a cat. Haha.

I should go now. I'm sleepy. Bye!

Your best friend,

          Cheddar